The Insanity and Beauty of Relationships.
Have you ever taken a second to think what exactly entails a relationship and how insane it really is? Compared to human nature, at least. We are accustomed to committing ourselves to others and to give ourselves to them. We go through turmoil, growth, and eternal compromise and for what? Love?
I am a firm believer that innate human nature is to be selfish. We had to be selfish to survive and evolve, didn’t we? If the first humans said to themselves; “Oh we can find a way for all of us to share these plants and dead animals,” We would all be dead. It’s that simple. The instinct to do what we can to survive transfers to the wants and needs of today. When we decide to engage in a relationship with someone we are literally revolting against our nature. We begin to do what another person wants and likes just because we find them attractive and like them better than other people. It’s said that relationships are built around unconditional love, but do we not stumble upon a partner because of conditions we put in place?
“I like a funny man.”
“He/she has to be this tall.”
“I like someone who’s goofy.”
“I like a woman who’s independent.”
In my opinion, how can we unconditionally love someone when we chose them based on our own conditions we have in place to filter partners out? To me, it sounds like we are still practicing our selfish human nature, but making it sound like we aren’t.
Often times, we find ourselves butting heads with our significant others because we fail to reach a compromise on an issue. Of course, I am well aware that people make mistakes, some people jump into something before they’re ready, and other people honestly and truly are not built to be with someone for the rest of their lives. But all in all, a failure to reach a compromise, or a feeling of unfairness drives conflict. What makes conflict more impactful in a relationship is the thought of “My man/woman would never to that to me.” Or “How could they?” We work so hard on ourselves to be the perfect partner in and out of relationships. It’s obvious that no one is perfect, so turbulence is inevitable. We go through this turbulence with the hope that we will find our perfect match for the rest of our life.
When we think about relationships as adults, we often find ourselves thinking: “Is this the person that I will spend the rest of my life with?” After a certain amount a time, we are accustomed to just know. Well what if we enjoy someone’s company a lot, but we are not sure if we can spend every waking moment bonded to this person forever? Why are we not allowed to enjoy the right now sometimes? Society has placed all these nuisances about relationships where if we can check these things off a list we are in good shape.
We find them attractive no matter what.
The ability to understand and compromise.
Working together to solve issues.
Relentless support for each other.
Forgiving and kind no matter the faults we see in the other person.
According to the world, if we meet these conditions, we’re in love right? As all able adults know, relationships are not all fun and games. They take work and an enormous amount of patience and selflessness. Two things that are absolutely against our natural human instinct.
Isn’t that a steaming pile of bullshit?
We have to do everything our DNA wants us NOT to do to survive in order to well….survive. To reproduce, to live fulfilling lives, to share our life with the one person we put up with more than anyone else we have to literally give the middle finger to our innate desires.
Who are we to say
“fuck you” to our literal biology, to find happiness?
That is where the beauty lies.
You didn’t think I was done, did you? If you know me well, you know I am in no shape or form a negative or grouchy person. But I am pretty damn observant. So after wearing my cynic hat for a while, it got too dark. I got to thinking, despite all this, nothing is going to change. We are still going to live our lives knowing that the key to our legacy and a fulfilling life will almost always be the love and companionship of another person.
It’s because this is so hard and trying that relationships are beautiful.
If we are willing to put aside our innate desires, our likes, and needs for another person, isn’t that just mind-blowing?
Some of you reading this would give their life for their significant other no questions asked. Why? Because the emotion and sensation that love causes will never be quantified, let alone comprehensible.
We commit all of ourselves to another person, put up with their bullshit, and take stuff from our partners that we wouldn’t dare stand for if it was someone else. We give up our innate desires to progress not only for ourselves but in order to achieve happiness.
Now I am in no way saying that we all need another person for happiness, but some of life’s most precious moments require the partnership and dedication that a relationship dictates.
The proud moment of bringing a child into this world.
Realizing that you would do anything for the person sleeping and drooling on the other side of the bed you are in.
The sex. (again)
The harmony of bringing two unlikely families together.
Having someone in your corner in times of internal turmoil.
In addition, how fulfilling is the alternate option of just being single forever?
I don’t think anyone would agree.
It’s because it takes a different lens to help us realize our utmost potential.
Why not let that lens be from someone who cares and loves you more than anything in this world?
Humans are habitually going against what’s most sensible because of our emotions.
We keep our mouths shut to not hurt one another.
We smile despite our internal chaos to not worry others.
We sugarcoat our opinions to help others.
On the flipside:
We speak our minds most confidently, despite the consequences, to those we love the most. We sometimes hurt others for their own good. We take the pain from others because we know it is not coming from a bad place. We build patience we never thought we had, to please someone else.
We go through this back and forth of hurt and conflict to better ourselves.
It’s almost like we have to acknowledge the insanity, find someone who takes you as you are, struggle with them, and then find happiness with them in order to become better people.
I mean, how can you realize you are doing something wrong unless someone tells you?
That twisted, yet harmonious bond we find with that one person is the true beauty of a relationship.
Under-promising and over-delivering,