You have this premonition that something is wrong. You may feel like something just isn’t right, and that something is about to go wrong. It may not involve the tangibles or something even terrible happening to you. You just don’t feel right.
Am I talking depression? Not necessarily. The past couple of weeks I’ve had feelings that I couldn’t really explain. I wanna say they are a conglomerate of inadequacy, suffocation, nervousness, anxiousness, and confusion. Let’s agree to call it “blah.” So I’ve been feeling BLAH.
Blah is just that, blah. I found myself troubled and thinking ok I need to figure out what the hell is going on. So what did I do? Sit and stare at the wall. It then came to me: I’m about to graduate. THE HELL.
I remember my first day of classes I woke up 2 hours early went to eat breakfast with my ex girlfriend with my then unappreciated meal plan at like 7:30 in the morning. Now? I found decisive ways to stretch my mornings, or hell even get out of class in sheer moments of desperation also known as laziness.
Nonetheless, I had a chat with my mother yesterday about my graduation gear. She asked me how much it was and I said $100. Total random guess, and after checking I was almost right. There was a standard package and a “fancy” package as she called it. She asked me why I wasn’t asking for the standard and I said, I only graduate once! My mom then proceeded to threaten me in unnecessary Spanish obscenities that I will refrain from repeating. Eventually after some joke exchange, she agreed. As always she asked for a receipt and picture. Of course.
I don’t know what I want to do when I graduate. I have, however been telling people for four years that I just want to be famous. Now it’s more so I want to be heard. I want people to hear what I have to say. How? No idea. Just know that I know that no matter who is in my corner or not, and who thinks I can or not, or who wants to take a chance on me or not; I will make it.
People, believing in yourself is really the only step you need. I have been so wrapped up on the approval of certain people, and that’s what’s been holding me back. I’ve been worried about silly things like recognition and companionship on my journey, and I’m not regretting anything but I’m mad at myself for letting these things get to me.
So I will continue to smile, bite my lip, and press forward on my path to greatness and true happiness.
SCREW A BLAH.
Underpromising and overdelivering,